there's paper in my vomit.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
