I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
please don't ironically join a cult
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