Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
