I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize