Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she peed on how many people?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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