How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
