ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
