We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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