Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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