Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
