In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
