I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
