what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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