So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
