Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
