i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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