probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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