My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
please come you make the beer taste better
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
