what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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