Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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