May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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