remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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