I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
