fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
