I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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