Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
