Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
