I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
