you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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