Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
