i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
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I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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