I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
