i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
