Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My vagina is officially offended.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
