38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Is Oprah even human
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
