he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
