Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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