Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
