i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just pee around me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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