C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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