I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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