can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
smell my finger.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
