You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i've created a new STD.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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