party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
