Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
