there was a trapeze. enough said
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
