the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
