Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
