you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
