I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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