well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
