I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
