I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
