i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My vagina is officially offended.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
