You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
