so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
