We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
