Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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