We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
