she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
