This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
