Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
