Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
