my soul wont recognize me after tonight
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
