Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
if only i could text you this smell
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
