i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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