so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize