I love black thongs
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
